hm.
Sometimes I wonder.
Sometimes I cry.
Sometimes I look up to the blue blue sky.
Sometimes I see
Sometimes I hear
Sometimes I can't run away from fear.
Just a simple simple dumb little poem
can reveal what I'm thinking...
don't you get fascinated by the power or words?
Freaked out after listening to all those ghost stories this afternoon
damn now how am I gonna sleep tonight...

Mad at someone
Hate it when people won't admit that they did something wrong
it's just a simple 'sorry' but they wouldn't say it
and when they do they say it like the whole world owe it to them. Psh...

Another theory:
Dreams reveal things that you have not responded to in real life
Then where did the coyotes come from?
and for once I dreamt I was a lesbian. I'm not am I? Holy shit...
that just totally disproves the theory.

Missing badminton after not playing for one day
Good thing there's badminton tonight
or I'd have gone crazy before friday...
- badminton craze still on fire -

AhhhhhhHhhhh......
why? I want badminton......
BADMINTON.....
now I'm stuck with studying freakin ugly grasshoppers
and wait another 3 days until I get to play again... ><

I will, I can.
I will be a badminton champ,
I can be a badminton champ.

My new idols:
The Fat Andy Lau
and badminton coach who's Seniors' Men B.C. Champ!

Swimming is fun
tanning is fun
sunburnt is not fun
getting drowned by a drowning person is not fun

Scary stories scares me.
That makes sense.

you ARE the weakest link,
good-bye.

Rochai's brain structure (Summer 01)

50% Badminton
15% Friends
15% Family
5% Movies
5% Computer and ICQ
4% Biology
2% TV
2% Work
1% Thoughts
1% Sleep

Thoughts on "Love on a diet"
If I were the fat girl I would've loved that fat guy so much
so touched when his teeth got beaten out
and he was still saying 'It's all worth it..'
but wat is it worth!?
The girl is going to some other men
and he's doing all this for her
wat is it worth!? *sigh*
The ending was really good though
All the characters were good in the movie
and it was really touching.
-Best canton movie of the year-

I don't like people who copy what I do and what i say
what's this...............
even worse is when they don't admit that they copied me
get a life, man.

"America's Sweethearts"
A good and funny movie
John Cusack isn't as cute as Toko thinks. (don't kill me...)

"Love on a diet"
A movie you cannot miss
It's so sweet and touching! T_T

"Marn fa fung wun"
I'll never try to watch a mandarin movie without captions...

"The Wedding Singer"
Another movie you cannot miss
Super cute and funny! ^_^

Watching 3 movies a day isn't as tiring as I thought
and I'm up to watching some more TV.

Easily touched.
You know,
it's like I get into the character so much
and I feel like I'm feeling whatever the character is feeling
and I start clapping when people in the movie clap
and I start getting touched when people in the movie are touched
and I start doing all sorts of weird things...
feeling so emotionally touched by a movie.
And it takes a while to shake off that touched feeling
and it's so hard to hide it from people
and... okay I don't know what I'm saying
but I hate to cry in front of other people.

The feeling of having someone or something to think of feels good.
I'm not empty anymore.

Who was I kidding!?
I was thinking of badminton, Toko...
I was thinking of how I could've won the rally
I was thinking of the coach and his 'one of the best rallies I've seen in years' compliment
I was thinking of the hits my opponent made
I was thinking of the strategies we used...
jeez I'm obssessed with badminton...

Interesting quote:
"Argueing on the internet is like running in the special Olyimpics
-- Even if you win, you're still retarded"
Hah...

My dream:
I wish I can move into VRC
stay there and play 24/7
become a badminton champ
and when I grow up
marry a really really good badminton player
and play with him every single day until we die
Ah........ that'll be paradise....

That 'mean, chubby guy' is the nice nice coach I have now!!!
Morgan thankyou so much man...... !!!!!! Best coach ever!!!

dun like people who ignores wat I say
and keep talking about their own things
am i one of those people!?
Please tell me if I am.

Who can understand my love for badminton
and not get scared or think I'm weird?
I can just talk for 10 hours
just about badminton
I know I'm weird
stay away if you can't accept it.

1:13AM I'm so dead in the morning. I want to sleep. I have to study. I want to sleep. I have to study. I want to sleep....Nah i give up.
8:30AM I'm so dead now. I fell asleep studying and I have no idea about anything on the quiz.
10:15AM I want sleep. I want more sleep. I want to sleep till I die.
12:00PM To the doctor's and then Nancy's and then badminton. WooHOO I'm not sleepy anymore
12:50PM I waited for all this time to get that reply? Why I should've just ignored it.
1:30PM Mmm... Indonesian food is good...
2:00PM Gobble gobble.. I want to swim.....
2:15PM My dad is so annoying.
2:30PM Got a call right when I was about to leave. No more swimming. WHY?
3:00PM This day is so screwed. I SAID I wanted the appointment next week... why is my dad so stubborn!?
3:15PM The more I think the more grumpy I become. I don't wanna stay in this house. I'll go to Nancy's.
3:30PM Watching TV with friends is more fun than I thought.
4:00PM Mmm... badminton
5:30PM I... I still wanna play!
6:00PM I'm tired....
7:00PM Gotta update my log....
7:30PM Lamb was good.... opps sorry Mel
8:30PM Wanna go out but there's no place to go. If I had the 'Wedding Singer' we could've watched it but Jenny has it. Sucks man, stuck at home on a friday night
9:48PM TV was good. Seeing messages blinking waiting for me feels good.
9:50PM Relaxing and chilling feels good. Seeing no one replying feels bad. Reading my mom's E-mails feels good.
10:30PM I'm getting bored.
11:30PM I'm still bored. Where is everyone?
0:00AM I'm so damn bored. Again, where is everyone!? It's a friday night! They must have a better life than me, sitting in front of the comp wishing I had a better life.

I stammer when I talk to some people. Like M and S.
I can't seem to understand what people are saying when I talk to some people. Like F.
I stammer and can't understand what people are saying when i talk to some people. Like..... who?
okay I don't think you'll understand what I'm trying to say here
but I've tried my best to put it as simple as I could...

"I'll accompany you"
Did you want to accompany me
or did you want company?

"When people say I'm crazy
I don't mind
because I have confidence and trust in myself"
-- quoted from a mentally-ill person
and wat do you say? I'm crazy? hah.

Addicted to badminton I luv badminton crazy 4 badminton
like my coach like my partner like the people there like the feeling
like the games like the doubles like the training like everything about badminton.
I'M SO IN LUV WITH IT!

Just today I realized I should never drive when I'm in a bad mood
Dangerous driver I am... especially in a bad mood during rainy days.

You got me thinking about "black cat"
It's been so long since I last saw him
I wonder how he is now...
Ah I miss him... so gorgeous!!! ><

Trying to study while half dozing off
is very difficult indeed

I like this song
"I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you"

Dun like working with a bitter partner
Why is she so bitter?
Why is she always dissing my pretzels.

This song suddenly popped into my mind last night
情越濃 越會化不開
看不清那未來
情越長 越快要放開
怕一擁抱難分開
So good....

How come I'm always one period late in reacting?
This sucks.

Video, Swimming, tanning, sauna and steaming
another excellent summer day...

"When you have dreams about animals chasing you down the street
it means u're trying to run away from something in real life.
some sorta problem..some person..some thing..."
Really?
Maybe I'm running away from coyotes in real life.
Or maybe.... it could be anything. Hmm I wonder.

Summer school is going to be over in 10 classes
It seemed so long but now it seems so near
It hasn't ended yet but I'm starting to miss it
summer school sucked but I'm starting to like it
It just feels like switching schools and switching schools once more
before you really got to know any other friends you have to leave.
This sucks.

--Bad luck
Did really bad on a quiz this morning
Kept falling asleep in class
I carried 5 heavy comics to school but forgot to give them to Nancy
No one wanted to have lunch with me so I went to Macdonald's
I thought I could get my dad to drive me to the drivethrough
but my cellphone ran out of batteries
and my dad was out when I called him with the last block of battery
So I walked back to school and called him with the only quarter I had
and when he got here the drivethrough was full
He bugged me about being late first day for my job
and I was so pissed and hungry I drove to Oakridge in 5 mins
Parked in the wrong place and had to walk a long long way to the foodcourt
my morning just totally sucked

--Good luck
Work was fun
Frank and Jenny visited me
Thanks guys...... really appreciate it
Met this funny Andrew guy who used to go to VRC
Met Christine K and her friend
Work isn't as tough as I thought.
And I didn't get as tired as I thought I would either.

You see, everything is in balance...
damn! the word : Homeostasis popped into my mind
Ahhhhhhh biology is infecting my brain
AHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHhh

I like the feeling of seeing a blinking message
waiting for me to read when I come back
Also makes me feel good
cause it makes me feel that someone still cares about me even though I wasn't there with them.

What I wrote made me think
some people care about others even when they're not with them
but some people just don't
kind of sad when you see all your "old pals" turn into the second kind
even sadder is when you see yourself turning into that too.

Why is this happening again!?????
Why is people always not here when you need them the most?!
ARrrrrrrgh just kill me
When I called people at 9:30
no one answered
When I was asking people abt photosynthesis at 11
no one was there
But WHY.... it's almost 1 now
why is everyone appearing again......
RIGHT after I spent one whole hour doing
wat I could've done in 15 minutes by asking those people.......
WHY....................
WHy are u doing this to me......!???

I love the smell of chlorine all over my body after swimming
I love the smell of the staircase in Nancy's apartment
I love the smell of my sun tan that makes your skin darker
I love the smell of blockbuster
I love the smell of some fragrance
I love the smell of some carparks
and yes, Nancy,
I duno how many ppl b4 you have told me I'm weird...

and today, I still think Brendan Fraser is very cute

For 30 minutes this morning I thought my happiness that lasted for the last few weeks was gonna end
but after swimming and all that
I see that life is still good...

To be able to listen is a virtue
You see,
if you don't listen to me
I'm not gonna listen to you either.

I hate spiders *shiver*
but I saw many spiders today *shiver shiver*
KILL ALL THE SPIDERS........... *shiver*

Why is no one home when I need to ask people stuff??
Arrrgh.... Wwwwhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyy.......
(I'm in the state just like when I couldn't find parking spaces)

I like this song
"Cuz I want it all or nothing at all
There's no where left to fall when you're at the bottom
it's now or never...
Is it all
Or are we just friends?
Is this how it ends with a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all..."

I just had the urge of saying
----I LOVE BRENDAN FRASER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-----
irrisistably cute.......

-- Exhausted --
Couldn't sleep well last night
my night light suddenly broke
my dog's barking woke me @ 5 am
Still couldn't fall back to sleep
Woke up at 10 but didn't go to badminton
everytime I wake up I hear this song in my head:

'What would you do if your son's at home
crying alone on the bedroom floor
cuz he's hungry
and the only way to feed him is to
sleep with a man for a little bit of money...'

this is just weird.
Then I watched a video @ Jenny's
and still find Brendan Fraser very very cute
had muscle pain all over my body from badminton
but still I drove to Oakridge thinking my day would get better
but no... the graph of the day is still x=0
if you know wat I mean
this is just weird.

Adventurous Saturday night:
1) Finding parking spaces and getting mad @ stupid people @ Aberdeen
2) Finding parking spaces and getting mad @ stupid people again @ Landsdowne
3) Getting lost and driving to Delta
4) First time driving on a highway @ 100km/h
5) Desperate need of peeing twice
6) Driving on the wrong lane and seeing a car coming towards me
7) Scoring 101 @ bowling alley
8) Getting touched by a bastard @ tea place
9) Rose tea burning my stomach
10) Finally getting home safely after driving others home. >< *Rochai smile....*

I had a dream about being chased by a coyote last night
it was really real and freaky
the coyote had a dark brown coat with a white neck
it was really beautiful except for its fiery eyes
it chased me down 39th into a house
coyotes please go away.....

Muscle pain........... ><
but for badminton
it's worth it. (!?)

Today I found my second weakness
I can't stand heat
I get dizzy when I exercise in stuffy places
and VRC just happens to be that stuffy place...... 2nd ><

Finally two days off from summer school!!
Badminton, more badminton, hanging out and movies!!!
BLRuAHshrnARKJruA!!!!!
Too much happiness overloads my brain 3rd ><

I don't like going out with unfamiliar people
I don't like it
I don't like it
I don't like it!!!!!!!!!
Who's gonna listen to me???
It's okay
I stop talking anyway when I'm with people I don't know. 4th ><

I hate last last minute people
don't they understand people have plans? 5th ><
I hate people who try to pry into other's private life
don't they undetstand people need privacy? 6th ><
I hate people who keeps irritating me
don't they understand people don't have a lot of patience? 7th ><
I hate people who don't keep promises
don't they understand people have disappointments? 8th ><
I hate people who uses friends
don't they understand people feel hurt? 9th ><
I dun wanna hate yet I keep hating........ 10th ><

No one can be nice all the time...
gimme a break

My throat hurts from too much singing in the showers
It feels like some invisible force pulling on to my throat
making me swallow but won't go away
I hate this feeling but you'll still hear me singing in the showers.

How can I type out the Rochai smile?
>< with the teeth
..........*smile*.....

Today's Thursday.
Today's Thursday.
Today's Thursday.
I still feel like today's Friday.
Today's Fri..... Thursday.....
four days of hard work is too much
can't take anymore.. not even one day

True or false
Not learning the whole truth may be a good thing in some cases. (T/F)
Lying a good lie doesn't mean you're bad because it was of good intentions (T/F)

"Only until you've lost everything, are you free to do anything."

-- Thankyou's

Thankyou dad for being so patient and understanding
these days while mom's not here
Thankyou so so much!
Luv ya, ur best daughter always.

---

Bless the poor little dog
who got carried away by a coyote
I really really hope it'll survive...

Like the smell of Blockbuster
don't ask me why
like the smell of new textbooks
don't ask me why...

I'll never jog again during weekdays
It makes me so tired
I keep falling asleep when I try to study
ARgh... so frustrating.

Ben Stiller's the best
he's super cute and funny!!!
Meet the parents
--best movie of the week...

Rochai's black list:
#1. W.D.Y. the original
#2. W.D.Y. #1
#3. W.D.Y. #2
#4. W.D.Y. #3
and expanding...
Anyone reporting a W.D.Y will be added to the list
Anyone suspecting themself as a W.D.Y. can also be added
For more information
call 1-800-IH8-WDY

massaging my head
triggers the enzymes in my body
which cause a strong tingly feeling
making my skin hair rise
conclusion:
my HEAD is my weakness...
damn man.....

I wanna watch
1) A street car race
2) A gang fight
3) A girls gang fight
but I never wanna get involved in any...

I seem to feel better
after i whine.
So please excuse me
when i start whining and whining
because Roz is whiny
and whiny Roz is me... ^^

Pin dun worry
when you start gaining pounds and can't lose weight
THEN start to really worry...

I try to hide my dislike
but somehow it's like water
no matter how hard I close my hand
it always finds a way to escape

------------------------------
Biology notes:
Trick question #1
What kills the virus? --> Frank

Mr. C describes a virus as
"Sweet outside and weird inside"
Sounds familiar?
------------------------------

there is only a thin line of difference between
-special and different
-dislike and hate
-like and love
-dumb and stupid
I'm special 'cause I'm different
I dislike yet I hate
I like but dare not love
I'm dumb and I'm stupid.

Went out and came right back
that kinda sucked
but somehow I enjoyed the ride
the sound of the engine
comforts and soothes me.

Nancy, HAPPY BIRTHDAY
17 comes THAT quickly doesn't it?
Why, why... we're growing old
let's enjoy our life while we can still depend on our parents
the next thing we know we can only depend on ourselves
and the pressure will be on us. [ serious me ]
Yah who cares
Enjoy life man... [ normal me ]

The feeling of betrayal
is even more horrifying
than the feeling of hatred
-- why'd you do that?

SPECIAL is just a nice way of saying
you're DIFFERENT
I'm different...............
I'm very different........
cuz I dun care if I'm different anymore.
In other words
people who wants to be special
can achieve it by being different.
That is being different in a good way
I suppose I'm different in a bad way
This whole thing is messing me up.

Racism lives within me
It is so far yet so clear
Even I, myself cannot hide from it
go ahead, call me a racist

Dislike : n. An attitude or a feeling of distaste or aversion
Hate : n. Intense animosity or dislike; hatred.
count how many people you dislike
now count how many people you hate
take the first number, minus the second number and times it by 0
if that is the number of people you now dislike & hate
wouldn't the equation make your life much happier?

Dislike is only permanent
Once hate conquers your heart
it will take over you and gobble you up
it blinds you into stumbling down the stairs to hell

-- I tried washing my beachball today
no matter how hard I scrubbed
black marks remained and will not go away
it cannot and will never become the once clean and perfect ball I had

I don't mind if you've tried
Before you ask me
ask yourself
did you even try?

"Guilty but not sorry"

This is for Rosemary:
"a burnt towel = 失敗! "

Does confession makes a wrongdoing right?
No it doesn't.
Does guilt makes a wrongdoing right?
No it doesn't.
Is there any help at all to feel shameful for what you've done?
No there isn't.
Well, in conclusion if you realize you've done something wrong
screw it.

Not the right way of life
but the Rochai way.

A running nose is the sign of a cold
A sore throat is the sign of the end of a cold,
but also the sign of the start of a flu.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about
I have no idea what I'm talking about either
so don't feel left out
I'm always here.

Hate people who don't keep promises
if you're not gonna keep it
why make it?

an ordinary day with ordinary me makes the day unordinary

When you start seeing me speak nonsense
you start seeing ME
not Rochai, not Roz
but ME.....

My leg hurts so much
it feels detached
it feels like it's no longer mine
but it's there and it hurts

Even more... my arm and shoulder's starting to feel the same way

Today was just screwed
I feel guilty for ditching Richard,
I feel pissed for running to Starbucks seeing no one there
I feel pain on my right leg from badminton
I feel tired from all the work and walking
and most of all,
I feel lonely watching the dark, dark sea at night...
There were happy moments
but happy moments never last

I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad.
Well do YOU care if I'm mad?

Night moodiness
another weird disease has developed.

------ relieves

For once I thought it was gonna end
just for once
but the next day I realized
the results doesn't always come out as I expected
-- and just for once, I thought this was cool.

remembering a good old friend
How are you, Wendy?

one interesting thing: there's a font called 'Poor Richard'...

What is life? I'm confused.
What is a blog? Don't ask me...
- life is like falling into a puddle with people as puzzled as you
so it's alright to be confused -- or is it?

R U A Loner or a Loser? I'd rather be a bitch

The internal struggle between my angel and devil
the devil always wins.

To be happy
is to be able to let go